One day I just woke up feeling strange, not knowing what I was feeling. I just begin my day like every other day.
Every morning I wake up to wash my face and brush my teeth, and then I get dressed to go to school. I would walk downstairs where my mom would either make bacon and eggs or pancakes and fruit while my dad drinks his coffee before seven. I feel like it was a normal day, nothing changed at all, but this morning's feeling keep on bothering me. My mom told me to hurry up and eat all my breakfast before I head out to school with my two sisters. We all got in the car and she dropped us at our school and then told us that she will be 30 minutes late.
I went to all my classes without any problem and have a normal lunch with my two best friends. After school I went to the computer lab to do my homework, also I went there to see my crush named Cain. He was beyond wonderful, he has really long eyelashes and long fingers. I have a class with him and I sit two seats behind him. I always want to talk to him and wonder how I should create a conversation with him. I would daydream about being able to smile at him face to face and talk about everything that I have in my mind.
As I was secretly looking at him at the table I notice the time and quickly leave to go the front of the school. I saw my mom and my two sister waiting for me in the car. I went home and watched t.v and then had dinner.
After dinner i would wait for my sister to take a shower then I would take one after her. After the shower I went to sleep, thinking of what tomorrow would be like. I woke up suddenly almost as if I had a nightmare, my breathing began to intensify and I became somewhat frightened. My fast breathing began to cause me to sweat and feel trapped.
As it began to wear off, I felt very vulnerable to frustration, almost like a ticking time bomb. I got ready to go to school just as normal. My mom was talking to me about how she burnt some eggs, and I totally snapped at her. As I got out the car I realized that I acted really out of hand. I really wanted to apologize but I couldn’t, it felt like there was a mental barricade keeping me from saying what I wanted to say.
Once I got to class, the waiting began, not really listening to a thing the teacher was lecturing which was unusual. Usually I would love to learn, my notebook would be filled with notes, poems, and short stories. But lately I have been losing my drive to expand my knowledge. As lunchtime approached my best friends wanted to get lunch from the cafeteria but I didn't want to eat so I turned them down.
I went to sit down outside on the grass and all I felt like doing was daydreaming. Before I knew it the bell rang and I immediately knew that this long excursion known as "5th and 6th period" had finally begun. P.E was 6th period I was always excited for 6th period but not lately. I would shy away and try to hide so the teacher wouldn't find me.
Today we had to run laps around the blacktop all period. I didn't want to do it I wasn't feeling comfortable with my body as I had put on a little weight since last summer. I went and I hid inside the girl’s locker room, hoping that the teacher would think I was absent. It wasn't the best choice because the gym teacher came in shortly after and caught me ditching class. She sent me into the principal's office, where he then called my mother and told her the situation. I knew I was going to be in trouble and now I had to wait for my punishment to come.
As I was sitting in the office all these thoughts started rushing through my head, all about what my mother was going to say when she arrived. My heavy breathing from earlier came back and I began to rock back and forth in my chair, I felt restless and scared. My mother finally arrives and she didn't say anything until we got into the car. From then she began a very long vigorous talk about what I did and how I was so foolish. Deep inside I knew she was right but I couldn't admit that to myself. I began to lash out with all kinds of irrational arguments to what she had told me. Things got really out of hand and I began to say things I didn't mean and it went from a small problem about me ditching class into a monumental exchange of chaos between me and my mother.
It was a long ride home. When I got home I didn't want to eat and I didn't want to watch my TV shows. I just wanted to stay in my room and forget about the world. These feelings are all so new to me, I've lost my ambition and all I want to do is just get through the next day. I woke up the next day feeling better. I forgot about all the problems about yesterday and I realize I was being irrational and I wanted to start this day different. I went to school and everything was fine, I didn't feel too happy or too sad.
At lunch period that changed, Cain finally came over to talk to me, which caught me totally off guard. He asked me my name and everything was fine for a minute, then he started to ask me what I am going to do after school. I instantly began to blush and my tightened breathing problems came back. I didn't know what to say, as I know he was asking me on a "date" and when I opened my mouth the only thing that came out was an awkward mumble. He didn't laugh because he was a nice guy but deep in my mind I knew he thought I was strange and subsequently we stopped talking. This really made me sad, often most nights I would lose sleeps just imagining I had a time machine to go back and fix my mistakes.
One day I saw a commercial on the TV for an anti-depression medication so I ask my mother if it’s possible for me to be depressed. She called our doctor and set up an appointment. The doctor asked me a lot of questions about me social behavior. I told him about what happened with my crush and my recent irritability and he came to the conclusion that I had anxiety and depression. He told me that there are many ways to deal with depression. He taught me different breathing exercises to help with my anxiety and depression. He also wrote me a prescription for antidepressants, which I take everyday.
These medications help the flow of serotonin in my brain, which is the chemical that makes people feel happy. This medication helps me a lot but what the doctor always tells me is to keep a bright side of things and stay positive. Depression doesn't kill people and even though some people may feel like they’re trapped it doesn't have to be that way. Anybody can come back from it, it just takes a little time, and effort.
